Making it Work: The Challenges and Joys of Being a Work-at-Home Parent.
Practical Advice from Those in the Trenches
- by Erika Harding, Doula, Childbirth Educator and owner of Body, Mind & Spirit Childbirth
and Family Resource Center
Many of you are like me: women and men who had a life, an income, a professional identity. Then you had a baby (or two, or three), you made the wonderful decision to stay home and parent your child and found yourself wondering… Now what? Is there any way to earn some money on the side? Is there a way to do something fun and enriching on a full or part-time basis and still be my child’s primary care provider? Are there any good home-based business opportunities out there?
First, let me remind you that you are doing a good thing. As you well know, the time you spend with your child is incredibly valuable, particularly for them but also for you. Second, I also want to remind you that you are not alone. We “work-at-home parents” (WAHP) are a numerous, powerful, creative, motivated force out there. An (often) untapped reservoir of potential. Finally, I want you all to know that there ARE good opportunities out there, and where we lack opportunities we will forge them!
If you have googled “work at home” or similar phrases, you already realize that there are so many people who are already doing this or trying to make it work that now providing resources and advice (via the internet particularly) for WAHP has itself become a small industry. Working at home as a non-parent is very different than working at home and parenting children. Working at home can become life-consuming, and obsessive work habits are not generally a problem unless you are trying to care for a child. I am focused here on the unique challenges and joys of this form of work for those of us with children, whether or not we are the primary caretakers of those children during our working hours.
There are three main ways to work at home:
1. Start your own company or consult, using talents you acquired in your previous
professional life, or new talents and interests you have developed.
2. Direct marketing (either via the internet exclusively, or through person-to-person
contacts, such as party plan sales). There is a plethora of information and resources
available online.
3. Telecommuting, where you are an “employee” of someone, just working at home. This
is an often underexplored arena for WAHP. If you’re going to spend most of your time
working on the computer, why not do it home?
Each of these options has advantages and disadvantages, and only you will know which will work best for you and your family. After having my first baby, I knew that I could no longer be an APS teacher and still be home with my children. I thought of related work: curriculum development, educational consulting, grantwriting for education-related non-profit organizations. These are all excellent avenues, and may have worked well for me. However, my birth experience and serendipity brought me into an unusual field of work: teaching birthing classes and attending births as a support person or doula. When my first daughter was very small I started small with my work, attending a birth every month or two, and teaching one evening class per week. This was work I could prepare for at home, but would have to leave to do. Thus I required childcare for the time I was away. This was work that was more for my emotional and intellectual well-being than for money, as the childcare costs and costs of investing in my new doula/teaching business were greater than my income at the time. My husband called it an “expensive hobby.”
Slowly, as my children and my expertise grew, my income grew as well. This year my youngest began kindergarten, and I have been able to both dedicate time to my growing business (which has now expanded into a multi-function childbirth and family resource center) and invest time in their school and other charitable volunteer activities that are important to me. From my experience and that of others I know, here are some nuggets of wisdom to help you on your WAHM journey:
*Do something worth doing - if it doesn’t earn a lot of money, it needs to be valuable to
you and your family in other ways. Mike Hanselman, father of two children and owner of Wolf
White Water (kayaking school and guided river rafting trips) said that his home-based business allowed him to continue “doing something I love, being able to be on the river, and to include the family in that. We have equipment, and now I can outfit a trip at the drop of a hat. My kids are now into kayaking and the outdoors.”
*Don’t try to fit a full-time job into a part-time space. Amylee Udell, baby sign language
instructor, web designer, small-business consultant and direct-sales entrepreneur (and mother of two small children) emphasizes realistic expectations. Working at home takes WORK, says Udell, and no matter what form of work you choose it’s going to take time and effort. Caring for children and a household is itself a very time-consuming proposition, so don’t expect that you’re going to be able to run a major business and earn a major income during your child’s naps. “There is no get-rich-quick angle. Do your research and really investigate any company you might want to affiliate yourself with. Some of these internet job opportunities are fly-by-night operations that won’t be in business tomorrow.”
*The employer must allow some flexibility in work schedules, especially if the employer is
you. Angela Sylvestre is a single mother who works from home for a company specializing in
computer mapping and geographic information modeling. Sylvestre takes full advantage of the flexible schedule that working from home for her company allows (the entire staff is home-based, and employees are located all across the country). She wakes each day at 4am, and is working at her desk by 4:30am. She works via telephone and computer until 7 am, when her daughter wakes and they breakfast together and get ready for school. They leave on their bicycle ride to Manzano Day School at 8am and arrive at school at 8:30am. Sylvestre then rides back home and is back at work by 9:30am, working until 3pm, when she again mounts her bicycle to pick up her daughter.
“Flexibility in your schedule to accommodate your child’s needs is worth its weight in gold. I’m a free agent by 3pm.” This flexibility on the part of the company requires dedication from the employee in return, emphasizes Sylvestre. “When it’s time to work, it’s time to work. But there’s no commuting time…Plus, I’m in control of my environment, I eat at home, and save a lot of money. If I get in a pinch, I can always throw in a load of laundry, but there isn’t time to do a lot of domestic tasks.”
Hanselman emphasizes the importance of a flexible approach to work when you are
simultaneously caring for your children. “It’s Murphy’s Law: if you plan on working at your desk from ten to noon, that’s when you’re going to have a kid explosion. You have to be able to do your work when the time allows.”
*Expect to investigate childcare options, including less-conventional options such as
nanny-sharing, job/childcare co-sharing, in-home care, and “mother’s helpers.” For most
WAHP, there comes a time when it is simply impossible to “be home with my kids” in a
meaningful way, and simultaneously be gainfully employed for hours on end. Take a critical look at your work habits and your child tending habits. Do you set your children in front of the TV, video/DVD or computer each day with a handful of snacks and instructions to not bother you? That kind of care would get a paid sitter fired, and your children deserve better from their time home with you as well.
*Don’t let your job invade all parts of your home or your life. When you are with your
children, really BE with them, don’t divide your attention between two (or more) tasks most of the time. Says Sylvestre, “You have to have a place where you can close the door. It’s a place where you contain your business or your work. You don’t want your work in the rest of your house.” Similarly, I have discovered the importance of shutting off my cell phone, which is my business line as well. I can’t resist answering it if I hear it ring, so I find it is best if I turn it off completely when I am not actively “at work,” and check my voice and email messages in the evening when my children are asleep. I have to struggle to keep my part-time business from taking my time, all day, every day. It creeps in, bit by bit. I am trying to create a schedule of days I teach and do paperwork, and other days I leave free for household chores, projects and volunteering. Compartmentalizing work and home time is much easier for employees, versus the self-employed. When you are running your own business, it can take over your life. When you work for someone else, overtime becomes the exception rather than the rule.
*Working-at-home can be very isolating. “I’m new to Albuquerque,” says Sylvestre, “and I
don’t get the networking and local community connections through my work that others do. It’s a very solitary day. When one has so much work to do, you avoid the chit-chat, but you miss out on that socializing. The employer is getting a good deal. He’s keeping you happy, but you are extremely productive. No coffee-break syndrome. You’re isolated, that’s the down-side.”
*Working on the phone can be difficult, depending on the age of your child. Udell
originally confined her business calls to naptime, but her business grew and her children began to take more of her time. Now she does much more of her business by computer, and has arranged times when her children are out of the house so she can make important phone calls each week. Mike Hanselman had the same problem booking river trips for his rafting company. “The phone was a real problem. My kids were going ballistic. There were times when I was trying to book a big trip and I would have to boot a bunch of screaming kids out of the office and close the door because I just couldn’t stop what I was doing and deal with them.” I think that older toddlers and young children can and should learn how to wait for a parents’ attention when the parent is on the phone, but this takes training and practice. However, this is another example of how important realistic expectations are. Children cannot be patient and quiet for extended periods each and every day, without proper supervision and engaging activities to occupy their time.
*Seek out companies that offer work-at-home employment options, or try to show a
potential employer the benefits to them of having employees work from home, at least part of the time. According to Sylvestre, “The problem is that companies don’t have a culture of appreciating employees working at home, they like to see their busy little worker bees lined up in the same room. Companies need to have an expanded view, now that there are no technological barriers to working together long distance. It’s the employees that need to demonstrate to their employers how this can work.” For employees, this provides a regular paycheck and benefits, but requires that childcare not be part of your responsibilities during work hours. For employers, you get reduced expenses and a highly motivated, creative workforce. “We are an extremely dedicated, responsible team,” added Sylvestre, “and we have quantified productivity measurements in place to prove it.”
Consider the following local resources as you investigate your options and find your way to a
rewarding work-at-home parenting experience:
*www.cafewahm.com - This website is a treasure trove of helpful hints and resources
(including information on the Work-At-Home Opportunity fair offered periodically by Body,
Mind & Spirit), a gateway to excellent WAHP web links, resources for website creation, marketing tools, business tools, telecommunication resources, and even recipes and helpful ways to balance work and home life. This website is a terrific way to get started in your search for what come next (or what to do in the meantime!)
*The free electronic parenting community at www.bodymindandspiritabq.com. The key to
breaking out of the isolation of early parenthood and working at home is to network. Find other parents looking to share childcare or even jobshare. Be creative as you consider the wide range of alternative work arrangements available. Promote your home business for free. Also check the calendar page for an upcoming seminar on Work-at-Home options expected in January of 2006!
About the author:
Erika Harding, M.A., is a mother, Doula, childbirth educator, writer and owner of Body,
Mind & Spirit Childbirth and Family Resource Center. She is a former public school teacher and political analyst.